Left-Wing Lexicon

It seems that many of you out there are having no little difficulty communicating with liberals. This, of course, is because liberals speak "Liberalese", a dialect which bears about as much resemblance to Standard English as Ebonics does.

In an effort to grease the skids a bit, we now present a translation of some of the more common words and idioms of Liberalese.

Mainstream: our position

Right-wing: anyone to the right of Karl Marx

Extreme right-wing: anyone to the right of FDR

Hate speech: any speech we don't like or can't refute

Hate crime: any crime committed by a white, heterosexual, Christian male against anyone who is not a white, heterosexual, Christian male

Progressive: progressing toward Socialism

Social justice: an outcome we want

Fair: see "Social Justice"

Rich: anyone with money in the bank

Very Rich: anyone with money in more than one bank

Nazi: Vox Day (OK, just kidding with that one)

Racism: anything that works to the disadvantage of Officially Sanctioned Minorities

Minority: anyone except white, heterosexual, Christian males

Art: anything created by an artist; it should always be funded by tax money

Artist: anyone who creates art

Strong, independent woman: liberal female

Poor: liberals who don't have money in the bank

Working poor: liberals with money in the bank

Failed economic policies: not spending enough money on programs favored by liberals

Spending cut: a smaller rate of increase in spending than what liberals want

Miserable failure: not progressing fast enough toward Socialism

Technicality: A Constitutional right that leads to a result that liberals don't agree with (example: O.J. was innocent, but Karl Rove got off on a technicality)

Constitution: a "living" document that says what liberals want it to say, changeable without notice

Diversity: anything that does not include northern European Christian culture.

Left-wing extremist: no such thing exists


At 7:48 AM, June 25, 2006, Blogger Walker said...

Progressive: Wealthy trust funder working to create socialist utopia in which they own all the land, control all private transportation, and run the government while the rest of us are their landless, serfs who ride buses and beg for bread. But there is a level begging-for-bread playing field.

At 8:44 PM, June 25, 2006, Blogger Lemuel Calhoon said...

Rich should be, "anyone with a dollar more than you have".

At 3:37 AM, June 26, 2006, Blogger Master Doh-San said...

Good definitions, both.

At 1:44 PM, June 27, 2006, Blogger El Borak said...

Minority: anyone except white, heterosexual, Christian males*.

*Asians are white for the purposes of this definition.

Strong, independent woman: unmarried liberal female over the age of 35, who would be married except that no one appreciates all she has accomplished.

Religion(1): a strategy whereby progressives show how much they have in common with The Common Man. It is accomplished by asserting that Jesus would support your policies.

Religion(2): a tool whereby right-wing extremists oppress The Common Man by convincing him of priorities higher than politics.

The Common Man: a benighted being, usually dwelling more than 100 miles from an oceanic coastline. TCMs can often be identified by their pickup trucks, callouses, and unsophisticated choice of beverage. The Common Man is potentially endangered, being so stupid that unless Progressives arise to guide him, he'll likely kill himself doing something he enjoys.

At 9:22 AM, June 28, 2006, Blogger Master Doh-San said...

Ooh, good stuff.

Have you noticed that Ann Coulter doesn't seem to count as a "strong, independent woman"? Only those to the left of FDR.


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