Left-Wing Lexicon
It seems that many of you out there are having no little difficulty communicating with liberals. This, of course, is because liberals speak "Liberalese", a dialect which bears about as much resemblance to Standard English as Ebonics does.
In an effort to grease the skids a bit, we now present a translation of some of the more common words and idioms of Liberalese.
Mainstream: our position
Right-wing: anyone to the right of Karl Marx
Extreme right-wing: anyone to the right of FDR
Hate speech: any speech we don't like or can't refute
Hate crime: any crime committed by a white, heterosexual, Christian male against anyone who is not a white, heterosexual, Christian male
Progressive: progressing toward Socialism
Social justice: an outcome we want
Fair: see "Social Justice"
Rich: anyone with money in the bank
Very Rich: anyone with money in more than one bank
Nazi: Vox Day (OK, just kidding with that one)
Racism: anything that works to the disadvantage of Officially Sanctioned Minorities
Minority: anyone except white, heterosexual, Christian males
Art: anything created by an artist; it should always be funded by tax money
Artist: anyone who creates art
Strong, independent woman: liberal female
Poor: liberals who don't have money in the bank
Working poor: liberals with money in the bank
Failed economic policies: not spending enough money on programs favored by liberals
Spending cut: a smaller rate of increase in spending than what liberals want
Miserable failure: not progressing fast enough toward Socialism
Technicality: A Constitutional right that leads to a result that liberals don't agree with (example: O.J. was innocent, but Karl Rove got off on a technicality)
Constitution: a "living" document that says what liberals want it to say, changeable without notice
Diversity: anything that does not include northern European Christian culture.
Left-wing extremist: no such thing exists
posted by Master Doh-San @ 6/25/2006 05:57:00 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Progressive: Wealthy trust funder working to create socialist utopia in which they own all the land, control all private transportation, and run the government while the rest of us are their landless, serfs who ride buses and beg for bread. But there is a level begging-for-bread playing field.
Rich should be, "anyone with a dollar more than you have".
Good definitions, both.
Minority: anyone except white, heterosexual, Christian males*.
*Asians are white for the purposes of this definition.
Strong, independent woman: unmarried liberal female over the age of 35, who would be married except that no one appreciates all she has accomplished.
Religion(1): a strategy whereby progressives show how much they have in common with The Common Man. It is accomplished by asserting that Jesus would support your policies.
Religion(2): a tool whereby right-wing extremists oppress The Common Man by convincing him of priorities higher than politics.
The Common Man: a benighted being, usually dwelling more than 100 miles from an oceanic coastline. TCMs can often be identified by their pickup trucks, callouses, and unsophisticated choice of beverage. The Common Man is potentially endangered, being so stupid that unless Progressives arise to guide him, he'll likely kill himself doing something he enjoys.
Ooh, good stuff.
Have you noticed that Ann Coulter doesn't seem to count as a "strong, independent woman"? Only those to the left of FDR.
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